So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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