I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
