I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
