OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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