I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
