i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I need moral support for this bender
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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