paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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