Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
