alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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