So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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