he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
