I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
