True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
