I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
