there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize