Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
