I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
