Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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