btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
