i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i think i have herpe
just one?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
