ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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