Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
