Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
FUCK WHALES
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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