apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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