what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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