Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize