I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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