I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
