meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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