I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
