My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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