Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
