bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
