I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
