Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
