I faked an abortion last night.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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