at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Will exercising make me less horny?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
