"it" just moved
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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