Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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