spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize