She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
