It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
