Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
