I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
