is your mom at the bar?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
