I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize