Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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