you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
