Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
