I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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