everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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