My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
