grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
