So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Someone stole a lamp last night.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
