I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
