There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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