Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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