well I can't set my house on fire every night
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
