my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
