After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
