mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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