according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
