I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize