that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
