i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
