Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
