im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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