hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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