i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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