i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize