Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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