so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
