I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
nutella sex= disaster
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
