I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize