I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
