You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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