just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
