We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Everyone says I win the strip club
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
