If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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