Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
