Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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