maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
